Now here comes the interesting part, the absence of tears didnt necessarily translate to inability to feel pain. So inadvertently as a little kid, when the hands of pain bit down on my senses and the tears welled up, I fought to hold them back, often biting down in my mind. The image was a'kin to a picture of a little kid trying to prevent a boulder from rolling down a slope. In most cases, it ended up in failure, the boulder overpowers the feeble strength of the kid, rolls down the slope, so do the tears, but the scary thing is that a powerful and scarily negative character starts to grow...mind control. Do you know that tears are an avenue for emotional release? Little phrases come to my mind, when the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves...
As time went by, the volume of tears receeded, from a flood to a trickle. The little boy in the imagery had grown stronger, not necessarily bigger or older, but his mind had toughened. His mental muscles bulged as he held back the boulder, the pain bit into his arms, illusionary blood streaming down his face like liquid fire...but he held on to the boulder...the boulder didnt roll down the hill, the tears never fell...And amongst his peers, he was praised as being "tough". So the little kid became a man inside, earned the grudging admiration of his friends and the awe of people around. The physical pain was easy for him to bear, he shrugged it off easily, twas just a single huge boulder, the more he worked out in his mind, the easier it was for him to hold it in place... As he grew older, physical pain evaporated, pain is gain, his pain threshold grew, holding back the boulder was a'kin to pushing weights...The older he grew, the more indifferent he became, till emotional release all but vanished in his mind...Then he came face to face with a new type of pain...
Emotional pain is unlike physical pain...The imagery changed from a boulder rolling down a slope to a flood rushing down a slope and into a room. At first the young man was perplexed, he spread his arms as if to push the flood back, but it was futile. The waves hit him from all angles, till he was disoriented. The more he fought, the weaker he became. After many efforts, he stopped fighting and swam with the current. But that was'nt a solution either, each time the floods came and he tried swimming with the currents, he was tossed from side to side, he had no control, and mind control had become his muse. So he sought advice. There were many theories and simulations on how to deal with a flood. Channel the flood some said, but it sounded like a waste of energy. He did give it a shot, by channeling the flood, he turned into a machine, he stored the water in gallons, till it filled the room he lived in, So he gave up that idea. Then one day he felt he had stumbled upon the answer. So he simply shut the door to the room, "Let's see how you'll get in!", he said to the imaginary flood.
And it worked like a charm. Each time the flood came, it battered the room, but the flood never came in. It hit the room from all sides, the room's foundation creaked, little cracks appeared in the walls, which he patched up. Because he didnt know when the flood would come, he lived in the house and never ventured outside...Time flew by...Seasons came and went...Then one day he woke up and couldnt remember how long he had spent inside the room. He peaked out of the windows wearily, torn between venturing outside and staying in the room. Then he made up his mind. He walked up to the door, he didnt just open it, he removed it completely. Then he walked back into the room, and made holes at the corners of the room. He went about his life, happy as a lark! Did he live happily ever after? Well, you'll have to wait and find out...
The floods did come again. It flowed into the room as usual, but this time, the water trickled out of the hole and out of the room. He lay on his bed, as the water level steadily dropped, trickling out of the holes in the room, the tears streamed down his face, and kept flowing, till the water emptied out of the room...
