Imperfection...

What happens to a dream deferred?
Where do u draw the line between dreams and reality?
What becomes of an unspoken wish?
Is there truly anything as destiny?
How do you explain what you can't understand?

We seek answers without asking questions...
We search for love with caged hearts...
We believe in hope but fail to dream...
We dream but yet we refuse to believe...
We speak but our own words mean nothing to us...

Everyday, the battle rages inside of me...
A battle between control and surrender...
Between dreams and reality...
Perfectly masked by an ever present outward image of calmness...
A nonchalance borne out of resignation to fate...

I have done things that I am not proud of...
Spoken words that I am ashamed to repeat...
Backed down when I should have been aggressive...
Shouted when I should have kept quiet...
Simply put, I am a picture of imperfection...

My reflection stares back at me...
I am surprised by my own image...
I close my eyes and the picture is different...
Different personalities locked in one body...
A human rainbow caught in grey clouds...

2011..."To be continued"

Seasons Greetings

The year is winding down, gradually stuttering to an end. Itz been a beautiful and wonderful year for me, and eventful too! I am sitting in my office, almost everyone has gone home, listening to Coldplay & The Fray and reminiscing on the past months. How time flies...Started on a rough note but things kinda smoothened out as time went by, then there were a few bumps along the way, new additions to my life and I finally found what I had been searching for. Ah, 2010 will definitely leave alot of memories...

The things i'd always remember this yr:
1. Inception: definitely my movie of the year and my reawakening
2. cK One: Chaos
3. Camry: Tension.
4. Armani Code & Restroom Chronicles: Anticipation.
5. Victoria Secret: Discovery and the exhilaration.
6. La Fruta Prohibida: Penance and Letting Go.
7. Kyla: My Achilles heel.
8. Ottawa: Victory and Rebirth.
9. A'lima: Balance.
10. Music & Blues: Love & Surrender.

I am grateful to God for the gift of life, for my family, my wonderful friends and the numerous blessings!

Special shout out to followers of the blog, y'all rock! Seasons Greetings...

I may have one last entry before the year draws to an end...

Music & Blues

Hello everyone! I have been very happy lately despite my crazy work schedule. The source of my happiness? I'll let you in on the secret someday...It isnt simply because I am going on vacation soon, but that has to count as well... Itz been ages since I saw my family and friends, even though i call them every week, it cannot mask the fact that I miss my family dearly...the regular phone calls are the only reason why I am still sane (lol)...

Was watching VH1 soul last nite (had to take a break from my ESPN and Fox Soccer Sports routine...lol) and I rediscovered music! And last nite, I stumbled on exactly how I was going to propose! Eureka! It was so simple and breathtaking at the same time...It was a'kin to a feeling of "presque-vu"...Ah, such bliss...I even had a slight flash of my wedding website in my dreams! I know u are probably wondering why I am sounding like a bedazzled love-struck teenager (lol)...I am human!

Anyway, marriage is still 'ages' away, but trust me, i'll be prepared! I am a hopeless romantic (hush hush, men are not supposed to say such things) and also a reluctant perfectionist, so i guess i'll just keep dreaming and planning till the pieces fall in to place...

Alright, enuff of the blues...back to the abstract personality...

"The chords of the song trickled down to his ears like dewdrops on a damp spring morning..."

Al'ima

My affair with Alima started in an odd way. Heartbroken from my split with Camry, I was seeking solace in D'ware. To be frank, I had contemplated moving on to something new and the crazy thing was that a few hours before my trip to D'ware, I had almost committed myself to another. I guess life had other plans for me. I first laid eyes on Alima in Delaware...there was something different about her. Her picture was captivating, you could see the hurt tattooed on her body, hinting to a previous violent relationship. But through the hurt, she still held her head up high, and it was impossible to ignore the class and self esteem.

'Nike was the "go-to-guy". He set up the meeting, the introduction and basically made all the moves. Itz hard to tell if he fell for Alima while he was on his mission or not, some truths are better not told i guess. Either way, August was the key month, by then desperation had set in and I was exposed. She was a source of warmth when I needed it most. Every man has to take care of his lady, so I am proud to say I did spend a good sum in making her forget her past. The pride on my face after her makeover is something I'll never have the opportunity to describe... Sleek and feline, smooth and well-curved...twas impossible not to fall for her each time she smiled at me.

To be sincere, I never knew she was African! Itz funny how you spend so much time with someone and you never realize where they are from! I always thot she was Asian! Don't ask me how I got that all mixed up. She did bring it to my attention while we were in Ottawa. Riding to Ottawa with her was bliss, singing along to music and breathing in the clean air...beautiful... Looking back at my past relationships and the trail of hearts behind, I can only pray that this one lasts a little longer than the others...Fingers crossed!

Ottawa

The morning air feels pristine, garnished with the aroma of fresh pastries and freshly brewed coffee, sublime european flavour. The chill factor is incredible, purges the senses and leaves him with a clear head to think. Walking down the clean streets, snug beneath the layers of sweaters and scarves, a mumbled "bonjour" escapes his lips in greeting as he crosses path with the early morning crawlers...

The national museum is beautiful...there are no other words to describe it. Standing beneath the huge paintings, u can gradually feel the hands of time grind to a halt, and slowly u r catapulted back in to the past, till u can taste the texture of the canvas in ur senses...with my eyes closed, I could picture my scarves and sweaters slowly turning into robes...soft words whispering in the air in different languages...

Climbed to the peak of the hill...glanced down @ the city sprawled beneath me...crazy view! With my arms spread aloft, itz easy to feel weightless...the tune in my head is from "Lark Ascending"...enchanting, like a ballerina floating up to the peak of Rio...C'est la vie! The wind drags u back to reality...mercilessly, it vacuums the illusions from my head...till I am left with a gaping hole again...Ottawa

Kyla

Tis been awhile since I put pen to paper. Alot has happened lately!

Kyla was born August 20th in Pennsylvania. I had earlier planned to keep vigil while Wiggy was in labour, pushing in synch with her in my mind as she struggled to bring Kyla in to the world...Push! Push! I took short breaths as I forced my mind to concentrate on the arduous task at hand. Itz actually tough to give birth in ur mind. Unfortunately I slept off right in the middle of my virtual labor. Don't blame me, blame my hectic day @ work. I did give it my best shot though, eventually I realized that if men were entrusted with the responsibility of child-bearing, humanity would be extinct by now. Alternatively, we would have come up with a code or some machine to deliver the child whilst we are sedated. I still have not recovered from seeing one of the Kardashian sisters pull her own child right outta her vaginator on national TV...

Kyla is the most beautiful thing ever! Watching her as she lay swaddled in pink blankets, at peace in the world of infant dreamland, I felt a rush of love like never before. I glanced at Wiggy and observed the subtle transformation from a woman to motherhood. I was transformed too! I'll let you in on the new changes later.

Babysitting is one of the hardest tasks in life! Good Lawd! I have always had a huge respect for mothers, but now I am in awe of them. Their sacrifice, dedication and love is unbelievable. If you have not done so lately, take some time out to tell your mum that you love her and shower her with gifts! I don't want to wax lyrical but there is no love like a father's/mother's love.

Victoria Secret

He walked into the store brimming with confidence. Typical of the male ego, his eyes unconsciously fluttered for a brief second on his reflection on the huge glass mirrors. In his mind, there wasn't anything wrong with the action. It was more or less a reflex move, why did they put up the mirrors in the first place? With his inner-self appeased by the logical explanation for his vanity, he moved on, humming a tune. Like most men, he lacked the innate gift of shopping which all women seem to possess. There were no brief stops to check out the store's inventory, rather he navigated his way directly to his target...the Fragrance section.

Stopping at the huge stand for female fragrances, he stylishly cast furtive glances over his shoulder to scout the scene for reactions. The world is a kinky place he mused to himself, a man can't even shop freely without eyebrows being raised. He turned his attention to the perfumes and struggled to concentrate. Givenchy, Armani, cK, Burberry, Vera Wang...hmmm, even Beyonce was peddling scents now. Trying as much as possible to act natural, he slowly brought each bottle a few inches from his face and tried to 'taste' the fragrance with his senses. Once again he was struck by that timeless dilemma or question all men face..."What do women want?" To answer that question, he concluded that he'd have to think like a woman. He chuckled at his own genius, and squared his shoulders as if to acknowledge the silent applause ringing in his imagination.

At that point, the store attendant walked up to him, with a dazzling smile artistically etched on her face, she asked if he needed any assistance. "No thank you, I am okay, just want to pick up a perfume for my sister", he replied. Unconsciously, his voice had dropped an octave, the bass more defined and the accent polished. It is amazing the effect a random beautiful woman can have on a man. In a second, he had switched cultures from African to Mediterranean, his voice, transformed from D'Angelo to Barry White, advertising that he was single and at the same time showing a loving and caring side. After the store attendant moved on, his brain switched into overdrive, processing her beauty and at the same time trying to match the scent of her fragrance to one of the bottles on display.

A few minutes later, he gave up and decided to go ahead with his previous Einstein conclusion of 'thinking like a woman'. So he picked a bottle of perfume at random, glanced nervously around, and sprayed some into the air. He darted his wrist in one fluid motion through the perfume mist and brought his wrist to his nose. "Hmmmm, not bad", he thought. 10 minutes later and about 10 bottles of perfume after, he looked more confused than ever. Sheepishly, he walked over to the male fragrance section, reeking like King Solomon in the middle of his harem, avoiding the bemused glance of the store attendant. Within 2 minutes, he had picked out a cologne. He marveled at how complex it was to think like a woman in contrast to the simplicity of men. Determined not to give up, he walked back to the female section in a bid to mend his wounded ego.

20 minutes later, both arms tattooed with female fragrances and still undecided, he gave up, a defeated man. The store attendants who had been watching him all along, finally came to his rescue. Flanked on both sides by beautiful women who explained the mechanism of the female mind/personality to him, his ego gradually recovered. Pearls of laughter rang through the store as he regained his bravado and charmed the store attendants with his wit, Mediterranean accent in full gear, he rediscovered the art of subtle flirtation and communication. One hour later, a transformed man, his unique fragrance turning heads and drawing admiring glances, he walked out of the store with his shopping bag filled. On his way out of the mall, he paused by a huge Victoria Secret poster. With his left eyebrow arched and a smug smile on his face, he muttered to the poster model..."Now I know your secret"...Or so he thought...