Novocaine

My best friend from childhood is getting married soon. It feels surreal, I still recall when we were kids, feels just like yesterday. It just hit me, I recall when we were 12 or 13, on our way back from school, the car had broken down on Third Mainland Bridge Lagos, somehow we had managed to 'borrow' a copy of a Cosmo mag, don't ask me how we got it, but there were hot chicks on the mag and that was all we cared about. We swore that once we got to the golden age of 18, we'ld marry hot sexy models! I still remember like it was yesterday, the wide eyed look of boyish wonder as we gazed at the sultry brazilian models with streamlined bodies clad in bikinis and whispering our names from the pages of Cosmo...a young boy's dream world...

Sometimes I wonder how time flew by, whatever happened to the kid that was in me. In my dreams I search for him, throwing back the sands of time for a chance to gaze albeit for a second at the kid I once was years ago...I miss the age of innocence, the reckless joy of being young without a care in the world...the exhilaration of waking up on a Saturday morning with the knowledge that school was a factor you didnt have to deal with...I miss the excitement of christmas, the magic of the last seconds of the year, the frenzied excitement of fireworks...the clump I felt in the pit of my stomach when I tried talking to a girl, the innocence and naivety of shyness...I miss the "me" of years ago...

I look at my childhood pictures and a smile breaks out on my face...a tinge of sadness and at the same time joy at the overflowing beautiful memories...I stare at myself in the mirror and I can barely recognize the imagery peering back at me, brows creased by too much thinking, eyes dulled by the passage of time, eyes that once sparkled with excitement, now glazed over and camouflaged behind the tides of life, every scar on my body awakens a memory, they arent many so I can remember the history behind each one...Listening to Frank Ocean's "Swim Good"...nostalgic-mind-dulling music...the track is on repeat...I'm floating in a state of pseudo-music-induced tranquility...the kinda state where you can't really feel anything around you, definitely not the words I am typing...

Sometimes I feel like I'm caught in a dream, feelings of presque-vu, I havent seen the future but it feels like I have tasted it. In my mind, the future feels like sunset on the beach in Tel Aviv, only difference is that I'm never alone in my thots, she's always right next to me...dreams are never structured, that's what makes them beautiful, you can open one door in a dream and traverse from the verve of Israel to the pristine air of winter time in Ottawa...Can you picture an eagle's view from the skies? I'm on cloud 9...Novocaine...If I publish this post, forgive me...I did it in my dreams...