Wednesday, May 14, 2014

In Defence of Patience...then Sola

Let me confess, I laughed as well. Yes I did, there was no way I could hold it back. But after observing the ridicule she received after her news conference, I kinda felt bad for her. So I've decided to come to Her Excellency's defence. I plead with everyone to be objective and unbiased in their analysis of her comments. I'll highlight the key sections of her comments that triggered the reaction.

"All this blood sharing in Borno..."
Now before you start laughing again, you have to admit that she does have a point. Roughly 200 girls were alleged to have been kidnapped and not a single witness can say exactly how or when it happened. Was it at night? Or during the day? Surely the Boko Haram terrorists must be vampires. How else can we explain their elusive nature. They leave a trail of blood behind and not a soul can see them coming. Vampires!

There's not much mystery about this phrase. It is simply an exclamation of trepidation borne out of frustration. What would be your first reaction if you ran into Wesley Snipes in his full "Blade" regalia? Now visualize a vampire chilling next to your window at night. The simple thought of that image would cause you to say "Chai". Other phrases can be substituted for it, but "chai" best captures the emotion.

"Dia ris God o..."At this point, I'm sure you understand why she said this. Do the math: Human forces alone can't stop vampires. Clearly spiritual forces are required. Considering how ineffective our soldiers have been in the battle against Boko Haram, I believe it was only prudent that Patience reminded the terrorists about the existence of a far superior spiritual power.

Now when you put that information together, the only missing link was an interpreter. It would have been perfect if she had an interpreter in the mold of the congressman from Edo state (Patrick Obahiagbon I believe, the last name is kinda tough), known for his deep understanding of the English language. Any man who can use "political higi-haga and economic hara-kiri" in a sentence is qualified to decode spiritual language as well. I bet he could have easily translated her words:

"All this blood sharing in Borno, chai, chaiii, dia ris God o"
translated as
"This incessant vampiric activity in Borno, damn, reprehensible, the presence of God cannot be doubted..."

That wasn't so hard, abi? I know we've all had our laughs at Patience's expense, but let's cut her some slack. If the pre-requisite educational level for a political office in Nigeria is a secondary school degree, we shouldn't expect too much from the spouses of political office holders. I know she 'represents' the President, but our fault finding should be with whatever points she raised, not her grammar or diction. The public bashing is a bit too extreme. I'm sure she didn't mean to speak incorrect English, but let's not ridicule her forever.

In other news, the entertainment world was shocked this week by a video of Sola punching and kicking  my guy Jigga. When I watched the video, I was shocked o. Sola was really fired up, if she had a weapon with her, she could have used it. It is amazing how a moment of insanity can cause you alot of wahala. Now assuming Jigga pressed charges, it would have broken the family. Chaiiiiii!