Thursday, May 3, 2012

PaCoLiSo...Chapter 6

The fire proved to be a turning point in the lives of Samurai and Shimon. It certainly changed their perception of their neighbors, and suddenly the muted greetings and half-hearted nods were replaced by bright smiles and loud "hellos". It was as if the 'ice' of Paco had been melted by the fiery heat of the blaze. Looney Tunes wasn't part of the happy crowd however, he glared furiously at the 2 bespectacled lads each time they walked past his office, wondering how they ended up being his tenants in the first place. For the rest of the Pacoliso residents, a new life was springing, more students were moving into the estate and you could almost feel the energy brewing in the air as boundaries were torn down.

Aphrodyte and Chiddy-bang lived in Block 2. Their room directly faced the main gate. Aphrodyte would later turn out to be the consensus 'queen' of Paco. She was petite in size, curved like an African goddess, and commanded alot of respect. While she was reserved, Chiddy-bang was the opposite. Chiddy-bang was fierce and outspoken and was bold enough to trade words with Looney T. The 2 roommates combined were a fearsome combination. Lounging infront of Block 2 was not a very advisable move, simply because Looney T had a full view of Block 2 while driving in. You could never predict what his next move would be, but it certainly wasn't out of nature for him to do something crazy.

Block 2 was also home to Pink Panther and her sister Octavia. I'll reserve the description for the beautiful sisters for another chapter, they have quite a role to play in one of the most interesting episodes of Pacoliso.

The neatly trimmed lawns of Pacoliso were quite deceptive. Considering that most of the tenants were female, very beautiful women to be precise, it wasn't surprising that 70% of Pacoliso visitors were male. That statistic however changed when the visitors realized that Looney T wasn't normal. Looney T insisted that a "visitor sign-in" book be kept at the gate, Oga Sam was entrusted with the task of ensuring that all visitors sign in prior to entering the gate. The whole idea was the most ridiculous thing since Kanu Nwankwo claimed he was 17 at the 1993 Youth World Cup. True to fashion, no visitor ever agreed to sign in, Oga Sam would melt and beam smiles once you greeted him and he never remembered to enforce the rule. So whenever Looney T drove in to the estate and caught a glimpse of a visitor, he would check to see if the visitor registry had been signed, and then drama would unfold.

Now, you must remember that Looney T was always impeccably dressed and the visitors had no clue that he wasn't normal. He would approach the 'visitor' with a smile on his face, the only clues to his ailment was the crazed glint in his eyes. In most cases, the visitor would be a young man who had made the trip on an 'okada' or trekked all the way from Owhipa or "Back of Chemical" in an attempt to woo a Pacoliso damsel. Having never experienced the beauty of madness in action, the 'visitor' would watch calmly as Looney T approached, without any anxiety.

Looney T (in a calm voice): Young man, who are you ?
Visitor (in a respectful tone): Good afternoon sir, my name is Osas.
Looney T (still in a calm voice): What are you doing here ? Who did you come to see?
Visitor (in a bemused voice, thinking to himself:"Whish kain query be this na?"): I came to see...
Looney T (screaming, with his eyes bulging): Get out!!! Get out!!!
Visitor a.k.a. Osas (reeling with shock at the force of the aggression): Oga calm down, I just came to visit...
Looney T (almost convulsing with rage): Oga Sam! Oga Sam! where are you? What is this idiot doing in my compound? My friend will you get out of here!
Looney T then starts pushing "visitor" out of the estate.
Oga Sam runs to the scene of the drama and wrings his hands in despair and confusion.
Pacoliso residents peep out of their windows and doors, who needs a cinema when you have a live theatre troupe at home?
Visitor a.k.a. Osas (visibly annoyed, his English starts to falter): Oga no dey push me jor, which kain embarrasment be this?
At this point, the Pacoliso damsel whom Osas had come to visit catches wind of the drama going on at the gate, and rushes to her visitor's defense.

The ensuing drama rounds up with alot of name-calling and ego stroking. Looney T threatens fire and brimstone on the tenant and her visitor, Oga Sam tries to pacify him, while the visitor (depending on his bravery and boldness) threatens to rain down missiles from Ikeja Cantonment on Looney T...eventually the dust settles.

The overall resulting effect was that as gist of Looney T's insanity gradually spread around Choba, the legend of Pacoliso grew. Picture a castle filled with beautiful women, guarded by a smiling grandpa (Oga Sam) and a crazy guard (Looney). Only the bold suitors would try making the trip to Pacoliso, and they made their moves in the evening or at night, when Looney T would have retired for the day. As for the faint hearted, they quivered with fear at the thought of visiting Pacoliso. But just the thought of catching a glimpse of all those pretty women in one estate was enough to make the visitors risk it.


  1. I laughed at the names used, nice story though. :)

  2. lol...your head no correct..I has to seriously restrain myself from bursting out with lafta...

  3. meanwhile that thing wey de ask us to verufy say we no be robot when we try to leave a comment don they ask for money oooo..wish I could past a pic as proof O_o

  4. Lwkmd! Isioma u need deliverance o. Receive it!!!!

  5. Lol...old Looney T, I still remember that odd glint in his eyes, always cautious of his smiles.. Just a correction, Pink Panther did live in Block 3.