Friday, June 29, 2012

Daydreamin': Summer in Pidgin...

Like play like play, summer don show. Na dat time of the year when e dey be like say hell-fire don near earth small. I go lie if I tell you say the heat no dey worry pesin. As in, just as day don break today, I bin waka outside to chop small breeze, na im the sun just tear me slap with heat. The matter don critical reach the level wey cause Colorado to almost burn reach ground. This na the same Colorado wia people no dey buy fridge because the weather dey cooperate like AC. Anyway, for the east coast, people don dey ginger small small. All man don dey enter gym to grow 6-pack! So tey, dem don dey form queue for gym like say na club dem wan enter. Anyway, wetin i tell dem be say , Guinness, Heineken, Budweiser, all na 6-pack.

One thing wey dey trip me about summer sha be say u no need to dey wear jacket to enter club. No be like all those winter days, when boiz go dey wear trench coat on top agbada because say the cold dey enter bone. And na during winter u dey sabi who dem born for this side and who bin download their yankee accent from MTV. Because when u don stand queue for front of club so tey your brain cells don run go your toes, "Sean" and "Rookie" go begin answer the real name wey dem mama give them: "Oluwaseun" and "Rukevwe". Wetin dey provoke me pass be say when u don finally stand queue for like 30mins dey wait to enter the club, after u don finally make am inside, bouncer go tell u "I'm sorry sir but you have to check in your jacket at Coat Check". You too go dey happy like celebrity, dey think say american people dey very hospitable. When u reach the coat check, the pesin wey dey dia go smile give u, collect your coat, the next thing u go hear be "That would be $5 sir". As in? Abeg I no want again, give me my coat, I go tie am like bandana. $5 to rent iron hanger for 4 hours? Na witchcraft?

Anyway people sha like to dey pull stunts during summer, so as a confirmed stuntsman, free me to hint you small on the tactics wey u fit see:

1. Na during summer people dey remember to visit you. Dem no wan pay utility bill, so as afternoon don dey reach, when the heat dey do pesin like say Newark near Maidugiri, boiz go begin enter your house because dem know say your AC no dey ever off. And dem go dey dia chill till night don reach.

2. Everybody go dey find free barbecue party to crash. Unto say even if na birthday barbecue u dey do for your 2 year old pikin, na so so adult go full everywhere. People no dey play with free meat and cold beer o. If you wan counter this move, wetin you suppose serve for your barbecue na pounded yam and hot egusi soup, arrange small 7up put for corner. Na only seasoned veteran wey get liver go fit tackle that combo.

3. Beach go dey full like crusade ground from morning reach night. You go see where pesin wey black pass sin go tell you: "ummm, I'm going to the beach to get a sun-tan". Sun-tan ? At least you for talk say u dey go play with san-san or catch little mermaid. Sun-tan ko, Moon-light ni.

4. People go dey waka for road like say dem dey audition for Jersey shore. Beach no dey the city o, but na so so pant and singlet u go dey see for road. Na during that kain time accident dey increase. And the accident no be for highway o, na for regular street road, because na so one chick go just dey catwalk for corner, 3 people go just run red light wia dem dey scope.

I no go lie u sha, the summer dey make sense small but e dey quick deflate your wallet. But as im time don reach, make we just bone enjoy am. If people wey dey Lagos dey throw summer party for naija for this period even though na rainy season, wetin u wan tell press?

1 comment:

  1. lmao!!!! ... arrange small 7up put for corner.