Wednesday, December 5, 2012

9JA Part 1


Boarding the plane was the easy part, sitting down for the long flight was the tricky section of the trip. I braced myself for the recurring session of vertigo during the flight, then navigated through the flight entertainment section (my choice was a japanese flick, it perfectly suited my current craze with Asian art and culture), managed to wolf down the food while counting down the hours till touchdown in Abuja. There's nothing as good as coming back home, in my head I was whispering a P.Diddy tune as my eyes scanned the Abuja skyline during our descent. The heat welcomed me with a warm embrace, the air dry with a hint of dust...Good ol Abj, how I've missed thee...One of the customs officials beamed with pleasure as I approached, "Welcome oga! I hope your flight was okay sirOga you are looking very healthy o!" I couldn't help but tip him generously, imagine a small boy like me being hailed as "Oga", lol.

So much has changed! I held on tight to my seat as Ragfella navigated through the mild traffic with the ease of a Formula 1 driver. I just could'nt figure out why the roads did'nt have any lanes, all the cars switched and cut in like it was a video game! When I voiced my surprise at the blatant disregard of driving rules, Ragfella laughed and reminded me that I was back in Naija, "no be Yankee you dey o", he jokingly reminded me. Considering the fact that I had only been away from the country for 5years, I still felt out of synch with the status quo. "Surely, I'll blend in within a few hours", I muttered to myself...

The welcome entourage at home was wonderful. Kyla peered at me from behind her mother's legs, while Robyn smiled and beamed like an angel. After exchanging hugs with Wiggy, El-dee and Boi-O, we all lapsed into our favorite past-time, "gisting". As expected, there was no light from NEPA, but the little generator hummed happily in the background providing all the illumination we needed. A few hours later, I was in bed, happy and content after chatting with Coco, and dreaming of the days to come. I had a pretty tight schedule with stops in Port Harcourt, Lagos and a return to Abuja before the final departure to Jersey, so there wasn't any time to be wasted...

Port Harcourt

The flight to PH was pretty smooth, nevertheless I was bemused by the phony accents of the flight attendants. I simply can't understand why we have to fake an accent to feel polished/classy, what is wrong with our natural accent? I could barely understand a word of what the flight attendant was saying, I couldnt tell if she was talking with her nose pinched tight or if she was suffering from constipation, but the final effect was hilarious.

The PH airport looks like something out of an 80's movie set in Brazil, definitely not classy, lol. The bland look of the airport was quickly forgotten when I saw Coco approaching...You know that feeling when your heart skips a beat, and everything around you grinds to a halt, when it feels like you are floating in a dream and the only thing you can see is the beautiful woman walking towards you in slow motion...Chai! I've run out of words to paint how beautiful Coco is, a few people gaped, scoped and stared as she made her way towards the arrival area, her eyes scanning the crowd for a familiar face, oblivious to her own beauty...We finally locked eyes, a warm smile lit up her face, my heart flipped over a few times in excitement and when she walked into my arms, I knew I was finally home...

To be continued...

NB: To all my blog readers, abeg no vex, just like D'Banj said, "love is a beautiful thing", listen to P-Square's "Asamkpokoto" and you'll understand that when a man is ready to trek to Sokoto or PH to see a woman, then she is priceless! Meanwhile, when I was hugging Coco, you need to have seen the looks of envy some guys were passing my way (I feel their pain sha, if I was in their shoes I would have felt the same way), while some other people had this "abeg, comot for road jare" look on their face (awon haters, lol). I'll talk about the "hidden anger/bad belle/frustration" shown by some Nigerians in a future blog


  1. Lool! Now this definitely got me literally laughing out loud! :D... You're such a storyteller, one of the many lovable things about you! xx

  2. This one was really hilarious! Ease of a Formula 1 driver eh?! That one really cracked me up!
    And who told you our fav past time is gisting??? :D
    Dont mind the awon haters, though if it had been me in a 9ja airport, i'd probably have that 'comot for road' look too! #justsaying!

  3. Abeg enjoy! LOL...nice one dude. I'll be looking forward to the next one.

  4. I hope say no be for here you wan gimme that gist oooo..I go just bust your head with odeku try ursef ooooo

  5. i no be general populace oooo..I still de wait that phone call..hmmmmm

  6. Waiting for the invite oh...chei you don do Igba-nkwu.